Hey guys,
If you could leave a comment about Chapter 1, I'd really appreciate it :)
I just want some constructive critisism on what I could fix, I want it to be as perfect as possible. Peer editing is always the best xD
Thanks!
<3 Rachel
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Chapter 1
This is for NaNoWriMo... my first chapter (or the epilogue, I'm not sure) for my novel:
I can't see or breathe. Everything around me is black, except for the bright red flames creeping under the door and reaching its scalding fingers towards me. I can hardly move. The smoke is in every breath I take, and it's making me dizzy. I stumble to the closed door on the other side of the kitchen; I can hear pounding and screaming...
Suddenly, a large shape bumps into me, causing me to lose my balance.
"Layla! You need to get out, run! The door to the hall is that way; you can't save anyone else besides yourself, go!" The sous chef, Penny, turns me and pushes me in the direction of the exit.
"But, mother--"
"Is gone. She's behind the door, there is no hope for her. Please, Layla, go," She's pleading with me. Penny never asks for anything, ever. I know she's right; there's no hope for my mother. I blindly start feeling my way against the chairs and wall to the hallway, choking back tears.
As I reach the door, I hear a scream from behind me. I turn, dreading what I know has happened. Penny is in flames. The hands of death have reached her before she can follow me to safety. I quickly turn away from the horrid sight and force myself out the door. All I can see in my mind is Penny burning, burning, burning. That memory will forever be etched into my memory, along with the screams of my mother.
I stumbled from the kitchen into the corridor, which is slightly less smoke-filled. Still, I know I'm not far enough away from the fire. I try to run, but I promptly trip on the hem of my dress and fall flat on my face. I feel something warm on my face, and know that I've broken my nose. But it doesn't matter. I need to get out of the castle before I become like Penny... and my mother.
Using the wall for support again, I make my way down the corridor and into the main hall as fast as I can. The servants are in a dither, pushing each other out of the way to get out of the castle.
My best friend, Sadie, is being pushed out of the main door when she makes eye contact with me. She screams my name as she's driven outside. Thankfully a palace guard hears her cry and comes to my aid.
He asks if any of the other kitchen staff has survived; it takes all of me to keep calm and look into his eyes. I shake my head once.
The last thing I remember before everything goes black are the tears brimming in he man's emerald green eyes.
I can't see or breathe. Everything around me is black, except for the bright red flames creeping under the door and reaching its scalding fingers towards me. I can hardly move. The smoke is in every breath I take, and it's making me dizzy. I stumble to the closed door on the other side of the kitchen; I can hear pounding and screaming...
Suddenly, a large shape bumps into me, causing me to lose my balance.
"Layla! You need to get out, run! The door to the hall is that way; you can't save anyone else besides yourself, go!" The sous chef, Penny, turns me and pushes me in the direction of the exit.
"But, mother--"
"Is gone. She's behind the door, there is no hope for her. Please, Layla, go," She's pleading with me. Penny never asks for anything, ever. I know she's right; there's no hope for my mother. I blindly start feeling my way against the chairs and wall to the hallway, choking back tears.
As I reach the door, I hear a scream from behind me. I turn, dreading what I know has happened. Penny is in flames. The hands of death have reached her before she can follow me to safety. I quickly turn away from the horrid sight and force myself out the door. All I can see in my mind is Penny burning, burning, burning. That memory will forever be etched into my memory, along with the screams of my mother.
I stumbled from the kitchen into the corridor, which is slightly less smoke-filled. Still, I know I'm not far enough away from the fire. I try to run, but I promptly trip on the hem of my dress and fall flat on my face. I feel something warm on my face, and know that I've broken my nose. But it doesn't matter. I need to get out of the castle before I become like Penny... and my mother.
Using the wall for support again, I make my way down the corridor and into the main hall as fast as I can. The servants are in a dither, pushing each other out of the way to get out of the castle.
My best friend, Sadie, is being pushed out of the main door when she makes eye contact with me. She screams my name as she's driven outside. Thankfully a palace guard hears her cry and comes to my aid.
He asks if any of the other kitchen staff has survived; it takes all of me to keep calm and look into his eyes. I shake my head once.
The last thing I remember before everything goes black are the tears brimming in he man's emerald green eyes.
Monday, November 14, 2011
Epilogue
Here's to the beginning of yet another blog of mine :)
I'm actually really excited to start blogging again, because it's been 2 years since I've done this. Scribbles is all about my writing (although sometimes I might post something about a book I'm reading).
I decided to call my blog Scribbles because that's how I write. When I get a really good idea for a novel, or a poem starts forming itself in my brain, I need to write it down on a piece of paper before I forget. And whenever I write something down that quickly, it comes out as a scribble. Hence, Scribbles as the title of my blog.
As of right now, I am participating in NaNoWriMo. I haven't got very far because I am a student and therefore have no extra time to write creatively, but I still hope to someday finish the novel I have begun.
I will post my first chapter up here soon, but now I need to go to class, so... xD
<3 Rachel
I'm actually really excited to start blogging again, because it's been 2 years since I've done this. Scribbles is all about my writing (although sometimes I might post something about a book I'm reading).
I decided to call my blog Scribbles because that's how I write. When I get a really good idea for a novel, or a poem starts forming itself in my brain, I need to write it down on a piece of paper before I forget. And whenever I write something down that quickly, it comes out as a scribble. Hence, Scribbles as the title of my blog.
As of right now, I am participating in NaNoWriMo. I haven't got very far because I am a student and therefore have no extra time to write creatively, but I still hope to someday finish the novel I have begun.
I will post my first chapter up here soon, but now I need to go to class, so... xD
<3 Rachel
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